Whether you’re in a long-distance relationship or just want to try something new, phone boning can be as exciting and sexually arousing as any in-person rendezvous. It’s also a great opportunity to dip into your “fantasy bank.”
You can discuss scenarios that turn you on—like sex in the library, car, or airplane, or role play or BDSM.
How to Get Started
Phone sex can be intimidating to those who are new to it, but there are easy ways to make it more sensual. Instead of turning up the music, try using the sound of your lover's voice to turn on your senses. "The rhythm and timbre of your partner’s voice can be extremely seductive and arousing," says certified sex expert and therapist, Dr. Jessica Michels. "As the call progresses, speak in a low, husky voice to increase the intimacy."
Adding an extra layer of sensuality is also possible by giving your partner directions or commands, like telling them where and how they can touch themselves during the call. This will add an element of control and introduce a dominant/submissive dynamic that can be fun for both parties.
And don't be afraid to break out the sex toys. "Using sex toys during phone sex can lead to orgasms and is an excellent way to enhance your experience," says sex expert and relationship coach Adina Mahalli. There are many toys to choose from, including butt plugs, masturbation sleeves, cock rings, and more. Try them all out to find what turns you on.
You can also use phone sex to play out sexual fantasies with your partner, whether it's a cuckolding fantasy or a double penetration scenario, recommends Sage. The important thing is to be honest about your feelings and what you want. If you don't feel comfortable discussing your desires or describing the details of a fantasy, just tell your partner that it's not an option for you.
Getting Started With Your Partner
Whether you're in a long-distance relationship or just looking for a new form of foreplay, phone sex can be a great option. Just make sure that you take the necessary precautions to ensure that no one else is listening in and that you have all the tools you need for success.
It's important to be frank about what you're doing. Phone sex is all about consent, so be clear with your partner and make sure that they're okay with it. This could mean having a direct chat about what you're doing or simply dropping a hint and then clearly asking them if they want to continue.
Once you've broached the subject, it's time to get to work. Describe what turns you on to your partner and see how they respond. For example, if they tell you that hearing your voice makes them go nuts, you can suggest moving your call to the bedroom where you can sing and moan to each other.
Phone sex is also the perfect opportunity to dip into your "fantasy bank" and share things that you'd like to do but wouldn't want to in real life, says DeLune. This could include describing sex in public spaces, such as a library or an airplane, or talking about role play and BDSM. Don't be afraid to use a vibrator or a sex toy, either!
The best way to get turned on over the phone is by talking dirty. It’s no secret that sexual talk turns people on, and you can take it to a whole new level with Phone Sex.
One of the first things you need to do is relax. This person is calling you because they like you and want to have a naughty conversation, so don’t be afraid of them seeing what you’re doing on your side of the line. It’s also a great time to break out all the naughty words in your “fantasy bank,” says deLune.
You can describe things in detail to make the scenario even more erotic, or you can tell your partner what you would like them to do to you, he adds. Either way, the more you can use your imagination, the better the experience will be.
It’s important to know how your partner likes to be pleasured over the phone before you start describing things in detail, though. You can ask them what types of sex turn them on—or, as Michels suggests, you can even give them some subtle hints like letting them know you’re wearing your lingerie or lighting a candle to set the mood. If they don’t respond well or don’t seem to be getting turned on, it could mean that they are not ready for phone sex, or they need more foreplay and a little bit of privacy before they feel comfortable going all the way.
Getting Turned On
Phone sex can be an amazing form of foreplay in long-distance relationships or a fun way to flirt with a new crush. It's important to be open and honest about what you want to achieve during a call or sexting session. This will make the experience more enjoyable for both of you.
The key to having a successful phone sex session is to be frank and transparent about your desires, a sex therapist tells SELF. "It's a great opportunity to dip into your fantasy bank and describe things that turn you on, but maybe wouldn't want to explore in real life," says LMFT Lori Michels. Those include sexual memories, sex you don't want to get into in real life (like public sex or sex in a library), and fantasies you'd like to have over the phone, she adds.
It's also good to check in with your partner during the call to ensure they are enjoying it. That may be done by verbally asking them if they are or by dropping a hint that you'd love to do something more intimate, such as telling them you're thinking about them all afternoon. You could even text them a sexually suggestive photo or sexy video to tease them. And don't be afraid to break out the phone sex toys, like vibrators, that can help stimulate the lady bits and increase orgasms during the call.