Phone Sex is an ideal way to get pleasure from your partner without physically having them in front of you. It can also be a great way to build intimacy in long-distance relationships.
But it’s important to remember that consent is still key. This is especially true if you’re using video on the other end of the line.
1. Make it fun
Whether you’re in a long-distance relationship or just trying out Phone Sex for fun, it’s important to make the experience enjoyable. This means having some foreplay and being creative!
Dip into your “fantasy bank” and describe what you want to do over the phone (or even things that aren’t really possible, like public sex or masturbating in front of a crowd). This can get your partner hot just thinking about it.
Another great idea is to make your Phone Sex more interactive and involve both parties by having them dictate how, where, or when they can touch themselves. This will not only keep the conversation flowing, but also creates a dominant/submissive dynamic that can be hot.
2. Talk about your fantasies
Phone sex is the perfect time to dip into your “fantasy bank,” deLune says. It’s a chance to describe sexual scenarios that are totally out of the ordinary, like sex in public or BDSM. You can even narrate your fantasies about each other—thinking about how your hands would feel on each other’s ass or how you could masturbate your way through a phone call.
But, be frank about your intentions and make sure you’re both clear on consent, Michels adds. That might mean having a direct conversation or dropping hints via flirty text. Either way, you should both be prepared and ready to have sex over the phone (meaning, make sure your phones are charged and that your room is dark). It might also help to set the mood by lighting candles, wearing lingerie, and/or playing some hot music. Just like regular foreplay, it’s important to take your time arousing each other and getting excited about the sexy call.
3. Get into the mood
Phone sex is all about vocalizing your pleasure, and that means moaning, flirting, and acting coy. It’s typically smart to start slow and build up to getting really explicit over time—just like you would with traditional sex.
It’s also a good idea to have all your favorite vibes on hand: “have some sex toys ready, and make sure your phone is charged,” Mahalli suggests. “This will help increase the likelihood of you both orgasming.”
Another way to get yourself in the mood is by describing what you want over the phone. This is especially effective when you know what turns your partner on, such as their fave words to describe their tits or cock, and any fantasy scenarios they love (like role playing or BDSM).
4. Don’t be afraid to be dirty
If you’re comfortable enough to talk dirty over the phone, you’ve already accomplished a major sexual goal. Now, you just have to keep up the momentum. Make sure you have easy access to a few things like a fully charged (and/or plugged in) phone, sex toys, lube, condoms, gloves, porn videos and some written erotica.
The more descriptive you are when describing your fantasies, the more erotic your phone sex will be. Also, try to be more vocal — heavy breathing and lust-laden panting can have the same effect as dirty words over the phone.
If you’re uncomfortable at any point, it’s perfectly fine to end the call. This is supposed to be fun, not awkward or scary! It is also important to remember that consent is always required during Phone Sex. Whether you’re just talking dirty or getting intimate on the phone, it’s important that both parties are comfortable.
5. Keep it private
It’s important to keep in mind that, just like IRL sex, phone sex is not without risks. The biggest one is that it’s easy for explicit photos to end up online and, in the hands of a bad person, could lead to bullying and name-calling.
Michels recommends planning ahead for phone sex, which can include charging your phone and making sure you’re somewhere private, as well as putting on some lingerie or lighting a candle to help set the mood. She also says to have sex toys ready, which can help increase the likelihood of orgasm and allow you to explore more areas for pleasure.
Lastly, it’s helpful to talk about your fantasies with your partner beforehand, as well as clearly expressing what turns you on (and off) and getting clear on consent—which might mean, for example, telling them you’d be into playing cuckolding, but that you don’t want them to touch your face or crotch during phone sex.
6. Be honest
During phone sex, it’s important to be honest with your partner. If they describe something that turns you off, it’s best to politely let them know rather than lash out and shut the door on the conversation.
This is also a great time to dip into your “fantasy bank.” For example, you can talk about sex in public spaces (like in a park or library), group sex, or even role play.
Dirty talk can be intimidating, but if you take your time and have confidence in yourself, it’s not that hard to get started. Just remember to keep the conversations respectful, private, and fun — you don’t want to end the call feeling like a complete idiot! And if things don’t go quite as planned, it’s okay to talk about something else. Just make sure to set a clear expectation for the next call so you can try again.